Blind Dates: Usually A Very Bad Idea
by Bag Of Badgers
Summary: Teenage AU. Feliciano and his pet brick of a boyfriend decided to set Lovino up on a date. This, he thinks, was not a good idea. T for Romano's...pottymouth. PruMano, side dish of GerIta.


Really it was pitiful.

Lovino's younger brother had said he and _his_ boyfriend had decided to set Lovino up with someone and usually Feliciano spilled secrets within thirty minutes of learning them but the little shit wouldn't own up. And if it had been Feliciano and his boyfriend, then Lovino would be right to worry, since neither his brother nor the vice-president of the fucking robotics club were exactly known for their incredible matchmaking skills (despite Lovino's deep reservations about him, he'd had to push them together since he and Antonio and Francis had all agreed it was kind of pathetic).

Whoever it was was probably one of Feliciano's friends, since that pet brick of his only had around two, and they were that asshole Roderich and some weird Japanese girl.

Let's see… Feliciano's friends. That would be the noisy Polish kid whose last name was the bane of substitute teachers—nope, he was with that really nervous brunette, never mind—or the—no, no_way_ Feliciano was dumb enough to try and set Lovino up with Sadik—if it was Antonio then Lovino would've known already since he was even worse at keeping secrets than Feliciano—not Francis because he was with Rose—if it was Lotte then Constantijn would beat the shit out of him—and it would be someone Feliciano and the brick both knew, someone roughly his age, which meant—

—mother of fuck.

Mother of _fuck_.

He was doomed.

But being doomed to certain blind-date-related death would not, could not stop Lovino Vargas from putting on the best clothes he owned, stealing his grandfather's cologne, and marching down the stairs to where Feliciano was standing by the door looking incredibly smug. Little shit.

"Okay, spill. Where are we going?"

Feliciano grinned, opening the door. "That kebab restaurant by the Vons."

Kebab shop—that could be a hint. "Oh, god, please tell me it isn't Sadik—" But Sadik would be better than—

"Mm-mm."

"Uh. Herakles?"

"Nope." Damn.

"Layla?"

"Uh-uh." _Damn_. Feliciano was nearly skipping down the street, texting someone, and Lovino quickly grabbed him by the arm.

"Watch out, you'll run into the streetlamp and who are you texting."

"Nobody!" Which was a lie, he could see "Lulu" at the top of the screen and goddammit Feliciano.

"Your boyfriend."

"Could be!"

Lovino was even more unable to suppress an eye-roll than usual. "Feli, you are horrible at being evasive. You're texting the brick and it's about the date."

No answer.

Goddamn Feliciano.

And the mystery date was probably—yup, he was doomed.

* * *

Suddenly, just about three yards from the kebab shop, there was a hand over his eyes.

"What the fuck!"

"Don't peek, Vino," Feliciano chirped. "Hi, Ludwig!"

Lovino was pushed into a chair, and the hand was lifted and he held his breath and—

—he had never been so glad to see Gilbert Beilschmidt in his life.

Their brothers having hurried off, they both began to engage in the cough-awkwardly-and-avoid-each-other's-face routine so well known to victims of blind dating everywhere.

Lovino also noticed that Gilbert hadn't even dressed for it, he was wearing the rattiest jeans Lovino'd ever seen in his life, what the fuck kind of person dressed like that for a date?

Then again. Gilbert.

Lovino opened his mouth, and to his horror the first thing out of it was "I was completely sure you were going to be Erzsébet."

"Yanno, I thought you'd be Erzsi too."

"Disappointed?"

"Nah, you're less likely to kill me. I think."

Lovino snorted.

He knew Feli and the brick were probably around the corner watching.

That didn't mean Gilbert's extremely animated explanation of his planned senior prank (he got up to something about Nicolas Cage before he started talking too fast for Lovino to follow, and coming from someone who lived with Feliciano that was an achievement) wasn't…interesting.

For someone related to Feli's boyfriend he wasn't half bad, even if his table manners were a little lacking.


End file.
